Friday, 2 December 2011

The best part of a narrator's day...


I’m thrilled to have been named narrator of the year on Audible. I’m so lucky to record such fantastic series and am so grateful: to the authors, for the wonderful material, and to the publishers, for letting me narrate it! To celebrate, I thought I’d revisit a blog I wrote about a small part of a narrator’s day...

When it comes to audiobooks, I’m lucky enough to be tri-coastal (if the Thames can be considered a coast!). I record in London, New York and Los Angeles.

There are some differences in the way they work, sure... but the thing that really sets them apart – is lunch.

This is how it goes in the UK:

UK: What would you like for lunch?
ME: What have you got?
UK: Anything you like. Anything at all.
ME: Oh. Okay. How about a Cobb salad.
UK: Don’t think they’ll have that.
ME: Oh. Um... Caesar salad.
UK: Don’t think they do salads, actually.
ME: Oh.
UK: Sandwich?
ME: Okay. Um... turkey club on-
UK: Turkey’s unlikely
ME: Pastram-
UK: Don’t think they know what it is.
ME: You go first. Why don’t you tell me what they have?
UK: Ham or cheese.
ME: Ham and cheese?
UK: Ham or cheese.
ME: Okay. Um. Cheese. Could I have Swiss or maybe Gruy-
UK: Cheddar.
ME: Or cheddar. Maybe on pumper-
UK: White bread.
ME: Or?
UK: White bread.
ME: Okay.
UK: Lovely! Cheese sandwich on white bread. That wasn’t so hard, was it?

And then it arrives.

UK: There you are, darling.
ME: This is it?
UK: Yes. It’s what you wanted. A cheese sandwich.

Let me give you the heads up about something: when you order a cheese sandwich in the UK, the clue is all in the name. You get two pieces of bread. And a piece of cheese. That’ s it. Oh, and the bread will be ‘sealed’ with margarine. The cheese will probably be a little dried up around the edges – you could make stained glass windows with the stuff...

ME: I mean – this is it? Two pieces of bread and a piece of cheese?
UK: What did you expect?
ME: I don’t know. Maybe some tomato... or sprouts... or some lettuce or cucumber or something. I mean it’s just cheese. There’s nothing green.
UK: Oh darling that’s a bit unfair. I mean – look.
ME: Oh. Yeah. Sorry. I didn’t see the mould.

Then there’s New York – my favourite city. Unfortunately, I’m kind of used to the London way of doing things by now, so lunch in New York can mean a bit of culture shock...

NY: Sorry to stop you, but it’s important. Where are we gonna order lunch from? I want Thai, but Tony had Thai yesterday, so we’re thinkin’ Italian, but we might go Italian for dinner, so maybe we should stick to Chinese, Japanese or Korean. Ooh, or Cajun and Kosher sound good. Oooh. Or maybe Caribbean, Mexican, Cuban or Brazilian? Or Vietnamese, Mongolian, Ethiopian, Armenian, Polish, Greek, Turkish, Hungarian, German, Belgian, French, Spanish or Swedish?
ME: (overwhelmed by choice) Um - could I maybe have ... (tiny voice) a cheese sandwich?
NY: A cheese sandwich? Sure. Swiss, American, Brie, Gorgonzola, Monterey Jack, Gruyere, Camembert, Limburger, Roquefort, cheddar...
ME: (grabbing onto a familiar word) Um... cheddar?
NY: Sure. Mild, medium, matured, vintage, sharp, extra sharp, smoked, Canadian, English...
ME: (increasingly desperate) English!
NY: What kinda bread? Wholewheat, pumpernickel, rye, multi-grain...
ME: White bread?
NY: White bread? Sure. Sourdough, ciabatta,  Wonder Bread if you’re feeling retro, focaccia, bagel, chollah ...?’
ME: AAARRGGH! 

Of course it’s quite simple in LA.

They don’t eat.

1 comment:

  1. The narrators day ? what a strange holiday! I've never heard about it before.

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